With the Good comes the bad

My last blog was full of Christmas-type joy, and the happiness of reconnecting with old, best friends and how that was more than a good enough present for me.

I should have known.

I should have been watching over my shoulder for that shitty surprise that seems to lurk over my shoulder right around the time the good thing is happening. (I feel like I'm in an episode of "My Name is Earl except I could never pull off that sexy 'stache Jason Lee sports.)

It may sound like I'm whining, and maybe I am, but I'm entitled, plus it's my blog and I can whine if I want to.

I guess because I had finally stated to dip my toe into that pool of belief where when something good happens, more good will follow.

It seems I forgot that people can be hurtful and cruel, and promises are seldom ever kept, and trust should really be a four letter word, because it sure shows up as much as fuck does in my vocabulary, and though I can do it, fuck as a positive adjective is hard to pull off on a regular basis. Believe me, I try.

I spent a lot of years building up those walls that keep people out, that it takes a big effort to let someone in, and in the last few relationships and even some friendships, I have found I would have been better off leaving the door into my life and my heart sealed shut.

Don't get me wrong, I don't believe the worst of most people and even over the internet I have made some good, strong friendships with people whose hearts are pure, whose honesty is truth, and whose friendship is a gift.

I am truly grateful for those friends, because I would have been stranded (emotionally and other ways) for the last two years were it not for them.

Then there are those, that for whatever reason seem unable to be honest, to keep their word, or to be the kind of friend that is kind, and cares about other people's feelings as well as their own, not putting one before the other.

I've gone back to therapy again, somewhere I will probably need to stay in for the rest of my life, because I feel like all the work I did with my last therapist around the issue of trust and letting people in got lost somewhere along the way. I need much more than a refresher course.

And I need to tend to the heart that was so filled with happiness the other day. It feels a little broken again.

End pity pot pontification.

I'm writing a blog!!!

It's been months, I know, and I really don't have any excuse since I haven't been working, or really doing much of anything but being sick. I haven't been out with my camera (for shame, I know)and like I said, I have not been posting blogs either. I have been writing, I just never feel like posting them.

I thought I'd post this one because it fits with the season, which unfortunately seems to be the one time of year when people remember to be a little kinder and gentler, to give a little more to those in need, and a time to celebrate the love of family and friends.

I'm not a big Christmas person.

I don't put up a tree or anything, and last Christmas it was me, my cats, and the movie channel. I don't have a large extended family, so there isn't much of a reason to put up a big Christmas to do. Plus, I'm usually so broke I can't even afford the less expensive, more meaningful gifts.

We have a small dinner, exchange small presents, but Christmas always feels like a child's holiday to me.

I do love to see the children's eyes light up when Santa is mentioned,for once in a year I love the sound of thundering feet as the kids who have already had too many Christmas treats and are running and bouncing off the walls ( Although that sounds like a Friday night at the bar to me..)which is where you do the celebrating with people from work, or social groups get together, or you spend it with friends.
I don't go out, I don't really drink, and most of my friends are married with kids, or just married or dating someone or have their own family plans.

So, there is a good chance I will spend Christmas with my Cats eating Mandarin oranges and watching on demand videos.

Now it may sound like I'm whining, but I'm not. I expect this to be one of the best Christmases in a few...

I have reconnected with a very, very good friend. In fact, I'd say she was my best friend. We haven't seen each other in near 20 years, but when she picked up the phone the other night it was like no time had passed at all. We laughed at the same things we always did, we told stories about the bad(ass) old days and the people we know, we talked about everything you can cram into an hour and a half after a decade or so.

The best part of all of it is that she will be out here for Christmas, and we will get to see each other for the first time in forever.

My mood has gone from melancholy to super-excited. I feel like a kid at Christmas again, and even though there will be no big presents, there will be lots of conversation and as many laughs and hugs as we can cram into a visit or two.

There can't be a better Christmas present than that, can there?

I feel the twinkle in my own eye when I think about the best present I've gotten in many, many Christmases.

Thank you, Santa.

Alley Shopping days 3 and 4

Too hot to move.
Sorry.

Alley Shopping Day 2

I had a whole bunch of errands to run today, so I did not take a long look down more than two alleys.
However, here is what I found-

1 A velvet Sofa-


2.two pairs of free sneaks-


3.Free Boots. I am sure theses are related somehow to those fuggly things-


4. A white couch-


5. Some Matresses in case you need a nap-


6. A 70's Area rug-


7.Another Printer-


8.A chair-



9.And lastly another coffee pot and microwave-



The weekend of moving is approaching fast, and I will continue to report from the front lines!

Yesterday I wrote a blog about alley shopping.

Today, and until after the weekend I am going to post (daily) what I find, what I take home, and what I leave behind.

Please feel free to comment if you would have done differently with an item.

Also just leave damn comments and subscribe to my friggin blog. What am I, mildly amusing cow poo?

I write this for

YOU
so is it too much to ask for a comment?

OK. Rant over. Sorry.

Tuesday July 28.

On a very short walk I saw

1.An 80-ish Microwave.

2.An Iron maybe 5, 6 years old
.
3.A stereo receiver

4.A computer monitor approx 17"

5.A mirror I saw on my way to the Dr. that I figured I'd get on the way back, but
BURN, as I turned the corner into the lane, a shopping cart sweetheart was attaching it to her shopping cart.

That's all so far, but I'm going on a walkabout later to take pics, maybe I'll add them to this blog.

Until later then? And did I keep any of it? Would you have?

It's getting close to the end of the month which in my neighbourhood spells treasure hunting!
I'm sure it happens in a lot of cities, but here it's like a tradition.
At the end of the month, when everybody moves, they leave behind the stuff they no longer want or have room for. There's a lot of TV's lately, as people are switching to flatscreens, they no longer want their old tube TVs . The only thing is, some of these tube TVs are less than 5 years old and are in perfect shape.I haven't collected any TVs as my family has dumped off two on me, and I have a flatscreen, so, no need for another TV, but I have found an old steamer trunk that someone had to carry all the way to my place(tyk),a solid wood table with mahogany veneer which I plan to strip and shakerise, along with the solid wood hutch that will get the same treatment-just in another colour. I'm keeping it to primary colours. Reds, Blues, Whites and Blacks.I found a cedar bedsides table and a wooden drying rack.I also found a pine side table. All free. I once saw a gorgeous in perfect shape velvet lounge (ideal for swooning whence fainting from the vapours.)Plus, this is a long weekend I think, so more time to browse.
Wish me Happy Treasure hunting-I need new drawers!!
Not those kind, you pervs.

And so it goes...again

So, you would think that I'm just here at 9:30 to dash off a quick blog before work.

You would be wrong.

Because in order to do that, one must have a job, which I no longer do.

"What the fuck???" you say. "Pina, last week you had TWO new jobs. Now you have none? How can this be?? You're super smart, and we mean SUPER smart (although we know the theory of everything sounds like bull shit to you- it does to us too) not to mention gorgeous and all that, so we just don't get it!!"

Well folks, neither do I.

I was once fired at a store called Roots for not having enough "Rootsitude" and I laughed while she was firing me because "Rootsitude" is a fucking made up word, and you can't fire someone with a made up word, I looked it up in "The Big Book of Jobs" when I was trying to see if strippers, I mean candy stripers have to pay taxes the way everyone else does, and there it was- Rule 467- "If you fire someone with a made up word, they can laugh in your face because you are a super douche" Totally true.

Now I would gladly take that shit job back on my knees.

SHUT IT.

Pervs.

For all of you that are stuck on what to serve your hungry little brats on hallowed President's Day, look no further!!
The good folks at RecipeSource have sent me the PERFECT meal idea for you!
It looks so good, that I couldn't help but re post it for you here...trust me, you and your kids will thank me later.

     Title: FRENCH FRY SPAM CASSEROLE
  Categories: Main dish
       Yield: 8 servings
  
       1 pk Frozen french fry potatoes,
            -thawed (20 oz)
       2 c  Shredded Cheddar cheese
       2 c  Sour cream
       1 cn Condensed cream of chicken
            -soup (10 3/4 oz)
       1 cn SPAM Luncheon Meat, cubed
            -(12 oz)
     1/2 c  Chopped red bell pepper
     1/2 c  Chopped green onion
     1/2 c  Finely crushed corn flakes
  
   Heat oven to 350'F. In large bowl, combine potatoes, cheese, sour
   cream, and soup. Stir in SPAM, bell pepper, and green onion. Spoon
   into 13x9″ baking dish. Sprinkle with crushed flakes. Bake 30-40
   minutes or until thoroughly heated.


  Yummy, huh??

You're Welcome!!

On what is officially my last day as an unemployed lazy assed couch sitter who has watched every single episode of CSI Vegas (the ones with Lady Heather the dominatrix are my fave, because you know Grissom is in to some creepy shit and he seems to know a LOT about the domination/submissive culture) and they did do that episode about the furries, an issue I have a real problem with, but I didn't have much else to do.
It used to just be sports mascots that would send me screaming into the nearest bathroom stall when one was coming any where near me, but at least those people are doing a job, they're getting paid, paying taxes, etc. but plushies or furries or whatever they are called, these people get off by rubbing up against each other in giant raccoon or bunny or floppy eared beagle costumes headed costumes *shudders* and they fly all over the country to meet up with chickens and cats and...well you get the idea.
I know there is a name for this fetish, but I'm just to lazy to look it up, so you could go do it if you want.
They even have a bunch of made up words to describe what they do to each other at conventions, and the mental image I have now put in my own head of stuffed animals climbing all over each other has totally made me want to cry, or vomit, or both, I should move on to the real blog.
In April of last year I bought a camera. Just one of the higher end Canon point and shoots, and I started taking pictures. Some of the ones that I love the most (although they are tragic in nature) Usually, I would go downtown to the part of Vancouver where the walking dead get their dope, and I would give them a pack of smokes, or maybe a hot lunch, to let me take their pictures, and have them tell me their life stories. My whole idea was to contribute stories and photos to Sara's website on Myspace called "The Bum Chronicles."
I got some pretty good photos, and some really tragic life stories, stories that needed to be told even if it was just to remind all of us how much we have in comparison to others. To show that in spite of the fact that Canada has universal medical, and programmes to help people living on the streets, usually fleeing from situations far, far worse than sleeping in a doorway and pan handling for dope money, that just for a short time we should remind ourselves just how lucky we are, and just how poorly our social systems are being run, or even that a hot meal may be something that means far more to someone who hasn't eaten well in months that someone cared.
I took a lot of pictures, listened to a lot of stories (most of which would make even the hardest hearted person tear up) and I came home and started to write.
Then I hit a wall, big time.
It was the worst case of writer's block I've ever had since I learned to write "I love you Daddy" with my big box of 64 coloured Crayola crayons.
I couldn't make the words fit with the pictures, or vice versa. The words were there, but they were jammed in, stuck, and were not moving and no matter how I tried to get them out, the bigger the word log jam became.
And it sucked.
I kept all the notes and the pictures, figuring that when it was time, they would come together. Probably like a massive geyser, but they would come. And since I was sick, and not working, I was sure I would be able to write, I mean I had nothing but miles of empty days stretching out in front of me.
Still, 7, 8, 9 10 months passed and those stories and ideas and the ability to get them down, even on paper stayed stuck like the nasty gum that plastered the underside of my Grade 2 desk.

Until last night.

I sat down, and I started to write, and it was exactly as I thought it would be. Old faithful sputtered out some steam and then it felt like it was exploding. I couldn't type fast enough. I was up all night, and I managed to get out three separate blogs/articles.

The words and pictures came together like a 5,000 piece jigsaw puzzle.

They're raw, and need editing, but I feel like a huge part of my brain just cleared itself the way an early morning fog will suddenly disappear, revealing the bright blue sky, and the first warm Spring day when you need only a light sweater to keep the breeze off your shoulders.

And while I am a big fan of irony, especially the dripping, delicious irony of rain on your wedding day (that's for YOU, Char) it looks like after a whole year where I could have been writing every damn day, the words chose to come with one day left before I will have an entire free day to myself until at least April...the end of hockey season.

Stupid brain.

Sometimes the Universe gives you some good stuff back...

I have written a few blogs over the last year bemoaning my health, my money issues, boyfriend (or lack of) woes, my chronic pain, loneliness and unemployment.
Suffice to say, the last year has sucked it.
Some women think turning 40 is just a number and attach no real significance to it- 40 is the new 30, you're only as old as you feel blah de blah blah.
Now I don't know if it's the turning 40, or if I was just due for a bad year because I'd had 3 or 4 good ones in a row..(I'm a glass is half empty kinda chick to begin with) but I repeat, this last year sucked,
And hard.
I won't go through the litany (and bore the hell out of every one who has listened to me pontificate from the pity pot) but today, I got a little bit of the good stuff back.
I've been unemployed on a full time basis since about May, some it because of illness, some because it's no longer an employees market here, and competition is stiff -I said stiff. Heh- but it has been really tough (notice what word I didn't use) to find any barely above poverty level paying job here.
I've had to string two and three part time jobs together, over use both my credit cards and I've beaten my overdraft like a dead mule.
I've sent out over 350 Resumes, been to God knows how many interviews, and have laid a big fat dodo egg landing only a job that gave me no more than 7 5 hour shifts in an entire month.
That was until today.
As I was finishing getting ready to head out for a second interview for an HR position of 25-30 hours per week, my phone rang, and I was offered another job that I even forgot I had interviewed for as a weekend/night auditor in a bed and breakfast starting Saturday.Only part time, but still...
So off I go with a little more hop in my step to Interview two where the Managing partner tells me that she has no need to look any further, that I'm exactly who she needs and is looking for. She hires me, announcing to the ten people in the waiting room that the HR position has been filled, but that there are still sales positions available.
I start that job Monday morning. It's semi part time, but since I get to set my own schedule, I do not need to give up either the B&B job, or the Beer wench job and between the three jobs, I'll really only be putting in a 45-50 hour week, and I will be able to start to caw my way out of the Grand Canyon of debt that I've been camping out in, eating cold Spaghettios and meatballs.
It will also help with my new obsession...ebay.
See, sometimes the Universe is not too shabby after all, and the glass is looking a wee bit more half full than half empty. ( Of course,that could also be because of the big splash of Vodka I added.)

My Friend and Mentor (and now worst enemy) tagged me in 25 things about me (I fucking hate tags) but here we go.

1. I have 4 cats. They annoy me endlessly.
2. I am the oldest of two girls. (I'm the fun one)
3. Women who can't drive stick shift (or drive it badly) should have one finger cut off. (their choice of finger, of course.) What am I, a Mafioso?
4. I can put me feet behind my head. (creepy, huh?)
5. I have only been in love, truly in love, twice. (that worked out well)
6. I love cheese more than any other food on Earth.
7. I am not a shoe girl, but I LOOOVE boots. (not hat I would turn down a free pair of Laboutins...)
8. I HATE Internet Explore. I'm a Firefox girl all the way.
9. Pansies are my favourite flower.
10. I am phobic of stuffed mascots. They scare the living shit out of me.
11. I love food that starts with the letter P. Pizza, Popcorn..ok you get it
12. I have never seen a single episode of lost. Nor do I care to.
13. Sometimes I will eat only orange foods for weeks. I know, weird.
14. I lived in Istanbul for 9 months and Greece for 3.
15. I swear waaaaay too much. Ah fuck it, who cares. If you know me, you know this already.
16. I despise socks.
17. I don't tuck my sheets in for the same reason I hate socks. I am afraid there will be a fire and my feet will get all tangled and I'll burn to death, which is the worst death ever. Except maybe being crucified. That would hut a lot I think.
18. Anything pink should be put in a huge pile and set on fire. Sort of like the Burning Man Festival.
19. I have 7 tattoos. No, you can't see them.
20. 2 Is my favourite number, Uneven numbers bug me.
21. The only bug/creepy crawly I am afraid of if is the earwig. Those things go in your ear and lay eggs. It's true Science. You could look it up.
22. Black is my favourite colour. it IS a colour, too. Look that up as well.
23. I suffer horribly from Insomnia. Always have.
24. Spring and Fall are my favourite seasons.
25. I spell with the U because IT IS NOT SUPERFLUOUS!!

The End.

First of all, I want to apologise to all the people whose blogs, flickr pages etc that have been remiss on commenting on. Then, an apology for not blogging or being out using my spectacular new camera, and lastly, a big I'm sorry for all the whingey 3am phone calls telling you how much pain I'm in.
Really, I should be blogging like a wailing Irish banshee being as I have all this free time on my hands, but to be honest, aside from the pain, I've just been lazy.
We had like 10 inches of snow which pretty much shut our city down, but instead of writing about it, I just crawled deeper under my duvet and waited for that stupid underground rat to not see his shadow, or to see it, or whatever it is he does that means Spring is coming.
Because it' been pissy and foggy, I haven't dared take out my new camera, although I have started my"dead things" set for Char, And I hope to have it finished before the new stuff sprouts.
Thanks to a most special friend, the coolest camera bag (shown above) is on it's way to me. I love you, you, gorgeous little round egg!! (Yes, it is actually a diaper bag, but I HAD to have it, and since it's only available in the US, I needed a generous friend to order it and send it to me.)
Perhaps it will bring my photo mojo with it.
I had my surgery on Monday, thanks to all for the prayers and well wishers. The pain is still pretty bad, but I'm hoping it will pass soon.
The clutch burned out on my step father's car, luckily he is paying for it.
So, I guess it's back to ye olde job hunt with wreckless abandon, fingers crossed and all.

There, that wasn't so hard, was it?

Um, yeah, it really was.